Bunney Bottled in Club Altercation

Epsom Downs are preparing to launch a bid for Donnington Wanderers right back, Michael 'HD' Baker.

The full back, who is the younger brother of EDFC legend James 'Olaf' Baker, has been in high demand of his recent performances in the bars and clubs of Kingston, as well as on the pitch for Donnington.

" HD has always had a close link with The Downs, given that his brother is co founder... " Said EDFC Club Secretary Michael 'Dutchy' Holland, speaking at The Downs clubhouse in Ditton, Surrey, " he would be a welcome addition to the squad, as he provides good banter and a touch of class to the team. His footy skills have a bit to be desired, and the man boobs need to be worked on, but generally he'd slot in nicely. "

HD was snapped and interviewed recently by the paps outside his current clubs home ground in Tolworth, he gave this statement whilst showing off his latest Gucci sunglasses and a medium brown spray tan.

" Im flattered by the interest of Epsom Downs, it means a lot to me. But my heart lies with Donnington who have helped me launch my football career and have made me the player i am today. The terms and conditions would have to be right for both me and my club. I insist on the number 9 shirt and the captains armband. And my own dressing room. And a pet chihuahua. I was born a leader and im not about to break that tradition. "

HD was later snapped sniffing coke of a whores tits in Oceana, Kingston.